Capitalism is a Dirty Word

•April 30, 2010 • 12 Comments

Capitalism
cap·i·tal·ism /ˈkæpɪtlˌɪzəm/ [kap-i-tl-iz-uhm]
–noun

An economic system based on a free market, open competition, profit motive and private ownership of the means of production. Capitalism encourages private investment and business, compared to a government-controlled economy. Investors in these private companies (i.e. shareholders) also own the firms and are known as capitalists.

Investopedia Commentary

In such a system, individuals and firms have the right to own and use wealth to earn income and to sell and purchase labor for wages with little or no government control. The function of regulating the economy is then achieved mainly through the operation of market forces where prices and profit dictate where and how resources are used and allocated. The U.S. is a capitalistic system.

Socialism
so·cial·ism /ˈsoʊʃəˌlɪzəm/ [soh-shuh-liz-uhm]
–noun

A theory or system of social organization that advocates the vesting of the ownership and control of the means of production and distribution, of capital, land, etc., in the community as a whole.

Cultural Dictionary

An economic system in which the production and distribution of goods are controlled substantially by the government rather than by private enterprise, and in which cooperation rather than competition guides economic activity. There are many varieties of socialism. Some socialists tolerate capitalism, as long as the government maintains the dominant influence over the economy; others insist on an abolition of private enterprise. All communists are socialists, but not all socialists are communists.

—From Dictionary.com—

Bob and Bill were brothers. They lived in a quaint village in a mountain valley bisected by a small river amongst 50 other families. It was a beautiful place; the fields were the most brilliant shade of green, the river was abundant with fish, and the air smelled of honeysuckle. Bob and Bill, both being handsome young men, were happily married to two of the prettiest women in the village, and they each had two healthy children. Although they lived on opposite sides of the river, Bob and Bill were close, as brothers tend to be. Their wives helped each other with chores and gossiped, while the four children frolicked in the golden sunshine. Life was good.

Bob and Bill were the sons of the local baker. Originally, there was only one bakery—on the west side of the river. Everyone in town needed bread, of course, but the trek across the river was a long way for the people on the east side to travel, so they often went without. Bob’s and Bill’s father did not like that some of the townsfolk, his friends, had to go without his delicious bread, not to mention the fact that he was missing out on revenue, so when he had the means, he built another bakery on the east side of the river for the people over there. After a long, fulfilling life, Bob’s and Bill’s father passed away from a severe yeast infection, leaving the bakeries to his sons. Bill took over the bakery on the west side, Bob on the east. The boys were taught well by their father; they worked hard, rising early every morning to bake delicious bread for the townsfolk. And whatever bread was left over at the end of each day was given to the less fortunate townsfolk who couldn’t afford delicious bread every day. Business thrived, everyone had enough, and all were happy.

This is socialism.

*       *       *       *       *

One day, Bob had an idea, so he crossed the river to the Westside to visit his brother at his bakery.

“How’s business, Bill?” Bob inquired.

“Thriving, “ Bill answered, “How’s business on the Eastside, Brother?”

“Excellent, thank you for asking.”

“Can I offer you a complementary slice of my delicious bread, Bob, seeing as you’ve come all this way to see me?”

“I appreciate the offer, Bill, but I must decline your slice of delicious bread. Between you and me, Brother, as delicious as our bread is, I can only eat so much of the stuff!”

Bill, knowing exactly how his brother felt, had a hearty laugh at that one, “Ha! I know exactly how you feel, Brother.”

“No, I’m not here for your delicious bread, Bill,” Bob said, “I’m here for a favor.”

“But of course, Bob, anything, you are my brother. Ask me the favor, and I will do it.”

“Bill,” Bob said, “I have come to ask you for a loan.”

“A loan?” Bill said, “But of course, my brother, name the amount and I will retrieve it from beneath my mattress.”

Bob paused for a long second, and when he worked up the courage, he said, “Bill, I would like to borrow one hundred dollars from you.”

“Jesus Christ, Bob! What the fuck do you need a hundred bucks for?! You startin’ a whorehouse on the Eastside??”

“No, no, Bill, nothing like that. It is a very special project, and I promise I will pay you back soon.”

“But Bob, one hundred dollars is all the money I have in this world. It is my life’s savings. If I give you the money and I do not get it back, I will not be able to run my business or support my wife and children.”

“Listen, dude, if you’re gonna be an asshole about it and put me on a guilt trip, then forget it. Thanks a lot, Brother.”

“You are right, Bob, I am being an asshole, and I apologize. You are my brother and you have promised to pay me back. I love you, and I trust you, and I would do anything for you. Please enjoy a complimentary slice of my delicious bread while I retrieve the money from beneath my mattress.”

“I told you already I don’t want the goddamn bread, Bill. I’ve got the exact same shit across the river, and I stuff it into my fat face day and night. I’ve had it up to my nipples with bread. Just give me the money so I can get the hell out of here and go nail the wife.”

Bob walked out of his brother’s shop with a crisp, new one hundred dollar bill in his hip pocket, but instead of returning home to nail the wife, he went directly to the flour maker.

“Yo, Flour Maker, you home, dude?”

“I’m in the back, Baker Bob, I’ll be right out.”

The flour maker emerged from the back, and Bob told him he was willing to purchase one hundred dollars worth of flour, but that he wanted a steep discount due to the fact that he was buying in bulk. The flour maker, licking his chops at the one hundred dollars, quickly agreed to Baker Bob’s terms, and the transaction was completed.

What Bob was then able to do, since he got so much flour at such a steep discount, was offer his bread at a much lower price than brother Bill could match. It was so cheap, in fact, that the townsfolk on the Westside of the river could justify the trek to the Eastside to buy their bread from Bob. Bill hung in there for a while, selling his bread at a loss in a desperate attempt to earn back his customers, but since he had leant his life’s savings to his brother, within a few short months he was out of business. And since he had no income and couldn’t pay his mortgage, Bill and his wife and two small children were evicted from their cottage. Bob did eventually pay his brother back, without interest, but with no job or roof over their heads, the money didn’t go far. All Bill had left was the original bakery his father built, but it wasn’t worth much, since no one had any interest in buying a failed bakery. So Bob bought the Westside bakery from his brother for pennies on the dollar, reopened it as the Eastside-Westside Bakery, and paid his brother a paltry sum to run it for him. And since he was now the only game in town, Bob raised the price of bread to twice what it was before he borrowed the money from his brother. The townsfolk complained at first, but what could they do? Everyone needed bread. And soon they forgot about it, as life was busy, and they had other things to worry about.

“Bob, you’re a dick,” Bill one day said.

“Don’t be mad at me, Bill. I saw an opportunity and I took it. It’s business, nothing personal.”

“You’re wrong, Bob, when you succeed at someone else’s expense, it’s very personal.”

“Hey man, life’s a bitch.”

And that, my friends, is capitalism.

Granted, my account of socialism is simplified to the extreme, and I left out the whole government entity, which plays a bit of a role in any socialistic society. And it is also true that my example of capitalism is capitalism at its worst. But my loose definitions will serve our purposes here. I believe my depiction of capitalism, in many cases, to be a fairly accurate reflection of what’s going on in our country right now. Socialism is not a dirty word, and capitalism has become a dirty word. Socialism is not communism, and capitalism is not democracy. There is nothing evil about distributing the excess to the state, and there is nothing democratic about stealing from your fellow man. The “state” is not the government. It does not mean that Congress lines their pockets with our money—in case you haven’t noticed, that’s capitalism—the STATE is you and I, the state is the people.

“No man ought to own more property than needed for his livelihood; the rest, by right belonged to the state.”
—Benjamin Franklin

In other words, once you’ve earned enough to be comfortable, you contribute to the pot. It doesn’t mean that the government steals your hard-earned money and leaves you with nothing, it means that instead of living in a 5,000 sq. ft. house, you live in a 2,500 sq. ft. house. It means that instead of driving a $50,000 car, you drive a $25,000 car. And you get something for your money. In fact, you get a lot for your money. On January 11, 1944 during his State of the Union Address, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt proposed a Second Bill of Rights suggesting every American has:

1.    The right to a useful and remunerative job in the industries or shops or farms or mines of the nation;

2.    The right to earn enough to provide adequate food and clothing and recreation;

3.    The right of every farmer to raise and sell his products at a return which will give him and his family a decent living;

4.    The right of every businessman, large and small, to trade in an atmosphere of freedom from unfair competition and domination by monopolies at home or abroad;

5.    The right of every family to a decent home;

6.    The right to adequate medical care and the opportunity to achieve and enjoy good health;

7.    The right to adequate protection from the economic fears of old age, sickness, accident, and unemployment;

8.    The right to a good education.

A job; an adequate wage and decent living; a decent home; medical care; economic protection during sickness, accident, old age, or unemployment; a good education. Security. And the knowledge that your neighbor has the same. Not a bad investment. Perhaps it would allow us to be more human? Maybe, instead of stepping on the throats of our friends to get ahead, instead of fighting for every last scrap for fear that we will be the one dying alone in a state-run hospice where the nurse cares more about Dancing with the Stars than comforting a terminal patient, we’d be able to take a step back and not only enjoy life more, but treat our fellow human with dignity, and respect, and affection.

Fear does nasty things to people. We shouldn’t have to live our lives in fear of losing everything if we get sick; by doing so we give the power to the insurance companies. Or in fear of losing our jobs for no good reason; by doing so we give the power to the corporations. We treat each other horribly because we are afraid someone is going to get a leg up on us. But the fear itself is the reason we don’t get our piece of the pie. If we weren’t afraid that we would lose everything if we got sick or lost our job—food on the table, our home, our children’s future, the things we all should have as a citizen of the United States—we wouldn’t be afraid to push back. The banks and the corporations instigate that fear, and then they prey on the fear. They lie and manipulate and steal. They tell us everything is fine when it isn’t. They use intentionally confusing language, deceptive advertising, and contracts that you need a law degree to decipher. They take no interest government loans of taxpayer money and give themselves million dollar bonuses. And then, like a dog begging at a table, they feed us just enough scraps so that we allow them to continue this charade. We get that taste, and we wag our tails and lick our master’s hand. They rob us dry, give us pennies, and we say, “Thank you very much,” and are grateful for the insult.

Our current capitalist system enriches the few at the sacrifice of the many. They squeeze us for every dime they can in order to increase their income from millions to tens of millions, and from tens of millions to hundreds of millions. It’s a game to them; it’s life and death to us. How much excess does one person need? It is greed. It is gluttony. It is literally like sitting down with a fresh baked peach pie between you and “Baker Bob” or “Banker Bob,” and him cutting you the smallest of slivers and taking the rest for himself, and then you respond with, “Thank you very much.” Why does “Bob” get so much and the rest of us so little? Is he better than we are? Is he more deserving than us? Is he more human than we? “Bob” was born in this country just like you and I. He does not work harder that we do. He is no more human than we are. And we are supposed to have the exact same rights that he does. Think about the word “rights” for a second. What does it mean, exactly? Like FDR proposed: The RIGHT to a job. The RIGHT to an adequate wage, and a decent home, and medical care. The RIGHT to an education. It is a right, because it is the right thing to do, it is the correct and proper way to treat a person. It is what every human being living in the richest country in the world deserves. There is no reason we shouldn’t all have these things. We have the means. But corporate greed prevents it.

Workers used to have value, they used to be respected and appreciated. They were the life’s blood of the corporation. Without them, the assembly lines wouldn’t run. Without them, the companies couldn’t function. Now they’ve got us killing each other for table scraps. We fight each other for lower and lower wages. All we are now is slabs of meat. We are so desperate for a job—any job—that we will shit on our neighbor to get it. They’ve destroyed the middle class. They’ve got us right where they want us, and we just take it. But we have the power. One man, one vote. The banks and the corporations make the laws. They pay off the politicians, and because there are no repercussions from us, the politicians do what the corporations demand. Why wouldn’t they? Politicians want their piece of the pie, too. They’re being manipulated by the corporations just like we are. They’re playing the game. That’s how the system works. But the system is broken. Isn’t government supposed to represent the people? It’s OUR government, after all. All of ours. There is the law, and there is what is right. There is what is legal, and there is what is moral.

I would like to know that I am secure. I would like to know that my loved ones will be taken care of in an emergency. I would like the middle class to be reestablished. I would like to know that every citizen of this country has the same rights as every other citizen. And if I have to give up any chance of ever being “rich” for that security, that’s okay with me. This article is not promoting socialism over capitalism. Both systems are inherently flawed because people are inherently flawed. This article is about doing the right thing. It’s about acting morally when it is not necessarily in our own best interest. We need to get the corporations out of the pockets of our political leaders. We need to pass fair business practice laws that do not favor the corporation. We need to prosecute the CEOs who have committed morally reprehensible atrocities. We need to establish a health care system that will actually help the sick, where doctors determine what their patients need, not the insurance companies. We need to love thy neighbor and do what is right, instead of making money off people’s misery. We need the government to work for the people again. How do we make these changes? Beats the hell outta me. But I imagine a good place to start is to vote, and to make your voice heard by writing your Congressman.

If you haven’t seen Michael Moore’s Capitalism: A Love Story, then I recommend you do. A lot of what is in this article I stole from him. Check out www.michaelmoore.com for more information.

Things I Think About While Taking A Shit

•April 21, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Still working on the big post, so in the meantime…something completely different:

WARNING: If you have no sense of humor, do not read this post. As you will not find it funny. Because you have no sense of humor. If you do have a sense of humor, and still do not find this post funny, then you are wrong. You have no sense of humor.

This morning, while enjoying my daily bowel movement, I came upon an article in Men’s Health magazine entitled, Talk Your Way Into (or Out of) Her Heart: Smart Answers to Her Trickiest Questions About Love, Sex and Whether That Dress Makes Her Look Fat, by Laura Roberson. The article suggests a right answer and a wrong answer for each question posed. And since I have never in my life come up with a right answer during a relationship, I thought this article might be a good one for me to peruse. It’s highly doubtful that I learned anything useful, but it did get me to thinking, what would my answers be?

SHE ASKS…”How many women have you been with?”

Right answer: “I’ve had relationships with different women, but none worth holding on to.”

Wrong answer: “Fourteen. And a half. Not counting rounding errors.”

My answer: “More than 2, fewer than 200, but closer to 2. Now I’m going to kill myself. I hope you’re happy.”

SHE ASKS…”Do I look fat in this?” (She does.)

Right answer: “It just doesn’t do you justice. Wear that black dress you look so sexy in.”

Wrong answer: “I wouldn’t say fat…”

My answer: “Fat?? You could never look fat! Put you in a pair of Crocks and a muumuu, and you’re the most svelte, beautiful woman I have ever seen. Now put the cupcake down and go for a jog.”

SHE ASKS…”Do you think that woman is hot?” (She is.)

Right answer: “She’s attractive. What do you think?”

Wrong answer: “In a slutty kind of way.”

My answer: “The one with the big, brown eyes, high cheek bones, perky tits, and heart-shaped ass? Hadn’t noticed.”

YOU SUSPECT…She’s cheating.

Say: “I may be totally off base, but I’m concerned about your relationship with John. Will you be honest with me?”

Don’t say: “You’re screwing John, aren’t you?”

I’d say: “Due to my feelings of inadequacy as a result of my penis approaching nowhere near what would be considered an average size by the standards in any Asian country, and the fact that you are so far out of my league that I knew this relationship was destined for failure and that you would eventually leave me a pathetic, sobbing, shell of my former self, I have a sneaking suspicion that there may be something more going on with you and John, the ex-college tail-back, than the three-day-a-week nude massage that you claim to be so innocent.”

SHE ASKS…”Where is this relationship going?” (The truth: nowhere.)

Right answer: “I need to be honest. I’m not looking for a serious relationship right now.”

Wrong answer: “I think there’s some potential here.”

My answer: “That all depends: Will you come over and have sex with me whenever I call, and leave immediately afterward not to bother me until I call again? If the answer is yes, then I think there’s some potential here. If the answer is no, then I’m not looking for a serious relationship right now.”

SHE ASKS…”What do you think about marriage?” (You’re blindsided.)

Right answer: “These are my reservations, but that doesn’t mean I can’t resolve them.”

Wrong answer: “Well, it’s okay for married people.”

My answer: “See previous answer.”

YOU THINK…Your sex life follows an endless round of same old, same old.

Say: “Would you be willing to try this position? If you don’t like it, we can do what we know works.”

Don’t say: “You be the wheelbarrow, and I’ll be the farmer delivering the load.”

I’d say: “You be the wheelbarrow, and I’ll be the farmer delivering the load.”

SHE SAYS…”I love you.” (But you’re not entirely ready.)

Right answer: “I’m not ready to say that yet. But I’m getting there.”

Wrong answer: “Thanks.”

My answer: “You be the wheelbarrow, and I’ll be the farmer delivering the load.” (I have come to the conclusion that this is the correct answer for almost any situation.)

YOU THINK…It’s over, but she doesn’t know it yet.

Say: “I won’t be able to give what you deserve.”

Don’t say: “You knew I wasn’t ready to commit.”

I’d say: “I’m on to you and John, but I was willing to look the other way for the simple fact that I’m so insecure that I don’t believe I could ever find another woman who would put up with my depressive moods and endless bouts of sobbing, but the video of you two playing ‘farmer and wheelbarrow’ that was ‘accidentally’ left in the VCR is something I can’t get past. Nevermind. I’m over it. Please don’t leave me.”

W. and Me

•April 12, 2010 • Leave a Comment

My upcoming blog is proving to be a bit more complicated than initially thought; it’s taking me a little more time to put the pieces together. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this article that I wrote several months ago for the newsletter for the company I work for. Some of you have seen it before; hopefully you are not too bored by the repetition. I have added a postscript addressing the response received from the initial publishing. Although most of it was positive, the subject matter did rub a few people the wrong way.

~tms

The Hills operates five corporate sites in downtown Austin. I manage two of them. Mark is a member at one. When I arrive at 6:30am every morning, half-asleep and grumpy, not at all looking forward to an early morning of folding towels and wiping sweat off cardio equipment, Mark is there, unshaven, with bed-head hair, and wrinkled Nike t-shirt. For the first couple months I managed the joint, we grumbled a mutual, “Good morning,” while working on our initial cup of coffee of the day. Eventually, as tends to happen when people are forced into close proximity, we began to strike up conversations. Mark, however, isn’t much for small talk, and I suffer from a similar affliction. Our discourse was limited, at best. Perhaps that’s why we took a liking to one another—neither of us bored the other with the BS that might be part of such a superficial relationship. And life sauntered on…

Weeks later, I found Mark on the Stairmaster with his arm in a sling.

“What the hell happened to you?”

“Shattered my collar bone.”

“Shattered? When?”

“Sunday.” It was Tuesday.

“And you’re here?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Does it hurt?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“How’d ya do it?”

“Mountain biking.”

“I mountain bike.”

“Humph.”

“Greenbelt? Emma Long?”

“Crawford.”

“Crawford?”

“Crawford. Riding with George Bush.”

“Humph.”

A couple of months later, Mark was healed and ready to get back in the saddle. Now, I’m as much a bleeding-heart-liberal-commie-bastard as the next Austinite, but when someone invites you to go mountain biking with the former President of the United States, if you’re smart, you don’t say no. I don’t claim to be any mental giant, but I wasn’t about to decline the offer.

After the Secret Service scanned my Toyota Corolla for bombs at the gate of his Crawford ranch, the first person I saw, toolin’ around on his carbon fiber Trek, sportin’ a blue and white Coolmax Hawaiian shirt, was President George W. Bush, “Pull over by the garage,” he instructed. The four in our group exited our vehicles and shook the hand of the former leader of the free world. Weird. After showing off his quiver of bikes, he said, “Saddle up, boys.”

The ranch is quite beautiful. I had an image of central Texas scrub brush, but it is nothing of the sort. Plenty of trees, and rolling fields of grass and wild flowers. A couple small lakes, or large ponds. And the house and guest quarters, while very nice, are refreshingly modest. I expected something much bigger, ornate even, but it was tasteful, and attractive, and fit the setting perfectly. It is a very relaxed and pleasant atmosphere, which, I reckon, is the idea. And more importantly, some damn good singletrack. The President employees a full-time trail architect to keep the life’s blood of one of his most enjoyed past-times growing and groomed. When I say “trail architect,” I mean a talented local boy by the name of Manasa. Manasa has done an incredible job with the trail system on the ranch. I’m a mountain biker of more than 10 years, and I’ve had the good fortune to have ridden trails all across Canada from St. John’s, Newfoundland to the Alberta Rockies, and from the Alberta Rockies to the deserts of New Mexico, and I was truly impressed. The trails the President has built are challenging, and fast, and fun.

Initially, the Secret Service riding with us with their handguns poking out of the bottom of their bike jerseys and the guys with the M-16s trailing us on 4-wheelers, was a bit disconcerting. I was real careful not to make any sudden moves. “It’s just a Power Bar!” But the President has a way of putting you at ease. He is a cordial, gracious host, and conveys a sense of relaxed calm. Our entourage of 15 rode for a good two hours, stopping from time to time for the President to point out sections of the ranch. The guy’s in shape.  Sixty-three years old with a maximum heart rate of 183, he is a strong rider and an excellent bike handler. Even I had trouble keeping up with him at times; it was his home trail, after all—at least that’s what I said to make myself feel better.

After the ride we were ushered to the guesthouse to shower up. We then met the President on the porch of the ranch house where we talked for a while about mountain biking and the local wildlife. The President has taken an interest in bird watching as of late. He seems to enjoy the simpler things in life now. Can’t blame him, President of the United States is a pretty stressful gig, I imagine. Shortly thereafter, we were invited inside for a lunch of grilled cheese and chicken salad sandwiches. Some of the people residing in the community near Crawford make the cheeses we were treated to. Might sound strange, but Wisconsin has nothing on Crawford cheese. The conversation was loose and easy. The President was charming, and charismatic, and showed a genuine interest in each of us. He has a curious mind and seems to truly like people.

After lunch we packed up our gear and headed south to Austin. It was an amazing day, and I have had the good fortune to have been back several times since. While I may not agree with his politics, one thing is for certain: he is a gentleman, and fun as hell to hang out with.

POSTSCRIPT

Since the initial publishing of this article, I have received a fair amount of grief regarding it’s content. There are a lot of people out there who, understandably, don’t like George Bush, or what he stands for. I sympathize. My politics falls on the far left. But what I was trying to convey in this article was an unbiased account of my experience that day. It was a bunch of dudes mountain biking, that’s all. Politics was not discussed. Some people think I should have boycotted the trip, but that would have disallowed a first-hand account of the man himself. And to understand why a man does what he does, mustn’t we first understand the man? What I learned is that George W. Bush as a person ain’t half-bad. He didn’t have horns and a tail. In fact, he’s a gentleman, and he treats people with respect, and he is a funny mother fucker, to boot. I will never defend the decisions he made while in the White House, but there is more to the man than we see on TV. And don’t we owe it to all of our fellow human beings to try to understand them as people? To put ourselves in their shoes? To be human to one another? Even George W. Bush?

I’m a Megalomaniac (and So are You)

•April 5, 2010 • 9 Comments

Another blog, who the fuck cares? There are literally millions of them. Millions of people across this planet of ours who believe their every thought is of such intrinsic value that they publish their ramblings online. They facebook, they myspace, they twitter. They write about their cat, their day at work, their children, their opinion. Well, fuck Fluffy, fuck your career, fuck your kids, and definitely fuck your opinion. I don’t care. I will never care. Don’t waste my time.

Does this make me a compassionless asshole? Nay, I say. I like people…most of them. I hope everyone finds happiness and fulfillment in their lives. But we’re not living that life of glee if we spend half our day tweeting. What’s missing in our lives that we’re searching for on facebook? Do we actually believe anyone cares that we went to Denny’s and had the Rooty Tooty Fresh n’ Fruity? Do we really think anyone gives a rat’s ass who our Doppelgänger is? Or that our favorite color is chartreuse? No one even knows what chartreuse is! And the only reason we choose it as our favorite color is a failed attempt to come across as unique, to draw attention to ourselves. Our desperate hope is that someone—anyone—might think, “Ooo, Todd’s favorite color is chartreuse, ain’t he sophisticated!” Sorry Todd, we’re not thinking you’re sophisticated, we’re thinking, “Todd’s a douche.” I Googled it, and chartreuse is not an attractive color.

And, of course, we get responses from our Rooty Tooty posts, but let’s not fool ourselves into thinking that means anyone actually cares. They don’t. It’s their own misguided ego seeking attention. It’s an opportunity to express some meaningless drivel about their own mundane existence. “The Spam’s my favorite part of the Rooty Tooty.” This is an exchange we need to have? Ask yourself: Do you honestly care what Barb had for lunch? Then why would she care about what you had for lunch? I love my mother and father more than anything in this world; I’m genuinely interested in what’s going on in their lives. But I couldn’t give a damn about what they had for lunch today or any other day. We all eat. It’s not pertinent to anything. Our lives have become so devoid of any true substance that we have an uncontrollable urge to vomit up useless information in a bewildered attempt to fill the emptiness. We live vicariously through Paris Hilton and Britney Spears, through the constant onslaught of reality TV. Our lives are so hollow, so passionless, that we have thrown in the towel. And we know this—usually on a subconscious level—and it eats us alive. As an effect, we have all turned into megalomaniacs. Our blown-up egos stem from insecurity. We display a façade in a misguided effort to hide the apathetic fear we feel. We front. We pretend like we’re something special because we know we’re not.

But the instinct that we are nothing is a fallacy. We’ve all hit the lottery, in fact. We are alive on this little, blue planet, floating in an immense galaxy, in the corner of an infinite universe. There’s a bit of luck. And how is it that you and I get to play this game? There are potentially hundreds of millions of sperm cells in a single ejaculation, and each of those cells creates a unique person. We are all that sperm cell, and we’ve already accomplished the most difficult task we will ever be faced with.  It’s like lining up all 300,000,000 people in this country for a foot race, and you’re the winner. Life should be cake after that. But somewhere we took a wrong turn. Somewhere we lost ourselves. We bought into all the bullshit we’re bombarded with every day. We listened when people told us we couldn’t do something. We didn’t ask questions. We allowed ourselves to be manipulated. And we’ve been doing it for so long, we don’t know how to pull ourselves out of the muck. We’re drowning in quicksand, and the longer we’re in, the deeper we sink. All 7 billion of us on this planet have a unique destiny. There is something each of us is good at, something that brings us joy. And the only job we truly have in our incredibly short lifetime is to be happy. And if we’re happy, we won’t feel the need to pretend we’re something we’re not.

So why should you give a shit about another blog? You shouldn’t. But I’m going to continue to write anyway. Because I’m a megalomaniac.

 
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